Stealing My Peace: Saying No

I love gardening. I love things that grow. House plants, vegetable plants, trees, flowers. I love it all. 

Having a garden fills me with joy. I love checking it each day and seeing how my plants grow and grow. I get excited to see the blossoms turn into food and then grow ripe on the vine. Each plant that grows is precious. Precious, except when they grow in the wrong place. 

A few years ago, I spent the spring getting my garden prepared and planted for the year. After my plants had been laid out, planted, and sent on their way to grow, I noticed another visitor in my garden. Tomatoes that had fallen off the vine the previous year had gone to seed and sprung up among the pepper plants. How cute! Tiny little tomato plants, growing toward the sun. I let them be, I left them alone. How harmful could these cute little plants be? After all they were a good thing, they were tomatoes, a desirable plant. Why shouldn’t I say yes to them. Why not let them be?

So amongst my peppers, all summer, grew my tomatoes. I already had tomatoes growing that had been planned for, caged, and were in their place. The garden grew,. The long days, sunshine and summer rain made it flourish. 

The peppers however, the peppers did not grow. The weeds, had been pulled in every other corner of my garden, but I continued to leave the squatting tomatoes. They were starting to flower, they were growing taller. The peppers, were not. 

The peppers were getting choked out my the rogue tomatoes. They didn’t have the space, they were having to share their resources. The peppers and tomatoes, competing for nutrients, water, sun. Neither flourished. Neither produced fruit. 

I learned that summer, that saying yes to something that doesn’t belong will compromise the fruit in other areas, too. Saying yes to things I shouldn’t may not bring death, but nor does bear fruit. 

John 15. This chapter describes Jesus’ sermon on pruning. Vines, branches, abiding, all that. “I am the true vine, my Father the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, so it will be more fruitful”.

Things that don’t bear fruit don’t belong, but even knowing that, I say yes to them too often. 

I say yes to clients. I say yes to friends. I say yes to the church and I say yes to even my husband. I say yes to things that go past my boundaries and yes to things that I know are wrong. 

I say yes because I hate conflict and I want to keep the peace. I say yes, and I steal my own peace. The conflict I sought to avoid is just transferred within myself. I steal my own peace, by saying yes. 

A wise woman once told me that “no” is an anointed word. It’s ok to say it and its necessary to say it. In order to keep my peace, I just have to say it a little more. 

Having the courage to say yes and no is only part of the battle, however. The other part is knowing when to deliver a yes and when to deliver a no. That will be the next part of this series.