The Terrible, Disappointing, No Good Vacation That Broke Me

It has been a minute since I have taken the time to write anything down, but today is as good of a day as any to share this. 

My husband and I took the month of July off work. It was a pretty big deal for us. We planned and saved for a year to make it happen. 

And it was the worst. 

I left the month feeling overwhelmingly disappointed for many reasons. 

Not to just make you a list of complaints, but I’m making you a list of complaints:

• At least one person in our family was sick at one point or another the whole  month. My husband had two episodes of gout, I had strep throat and then a debilitating migraine that had me recovering for a week. My kids were sick, too. 

• My husband and I were facing some marital issues and not getting along well. We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary… and really didn’t get to do much. It was a bummer. 

• Plans kept falling through left and right. 

• People that had promised to help make our time off happen didn’t keep their word. 

Going into the last week of July I was so disappointed at how the month had turned out. I was miserable, but also broke and miserable. I continued to think that if I was going to have a sucky time I should have just worked and had money while having a sucky time. 

I NEEDED this vacation I kept telling myself, but it hadn’t gone to plan. 

My last shred of hope was a mini trip to Cleveland at the end of the month with just my family. 

Little did I know, my horrible month was about to go from bad to worse. 

We got to the hotel and it was nothing like the pictures nor reviews on the booking site. Of course the pool was out of order, something my kids and I had been looking forward to. The hotel itself was pretty dirty and sketchy. Our other plans continued to be overturned or underwhelming. 

We decided not to even stay in our hotel the second night it was so bad, and just headed home on the second day. 

The word disappointed just continued to flash in my mind. I was so deeply disappointed and I wasn’t even sure how to fix it. 

I sat enveloped in my disappointment, letting it weigh me down and cloud my vision. I tried running through every bible verse about joy and thanksgiving that I could think of, but none of them seem helpful. 

Again and again the word disappointed flashed in my mind. 

I felt entitled to my disappointment. 

I had a right to it. 

For some reason (probably the gentle and wise prompting of the Holy Spirit) I decided to look up “disappointment” in the bible. 

The obscure verse that jumped out to me was Jeremiah 2:36

“Why do you go about so much,

    changing your ways?

You will be disappointed by Egypt

    as you were by Assyria”

Yes I know. I told you it was…obscure… but this verse BROKE me. 

Just for a little context: Jeremiah is explaining to the Israelites in this passage that they are looking for happiness and fulfillment in the customs and gods of their neighbors, but they will NEVER be fulfilled by anyone or thing besides their one true God. 

I took that verse and applied it to my own life. 

Who was I in the story? The wayward Israelite. 

What had I been doing? Try to find my peace and joy and happiness in the things of the world, the customs and gods that the world around me worshiped. Like my vacation. My “well deserved time off”.

Like I said, it broke me. 

Not only did it break me, but that revelation killed something in me. 

I didn’t go through a sozo, nor pray some long complicated prayer. 

It was one simple verse, twenty one words, breathed on in that moment by the Spirit of God FOR ME. 

It didn’t just change my attitude surrounding my current circumstances. 

It broke off six months of depression and anger. 

You see, this year so far has not been what I would call great. 

Sure we started the business I’ve been dreaming of for a decade. Sure my kids are adorable and my husband loves me. Sure our businesses are expanding and doing better than ever. 

I just didn’t feel great. 

I had been in a long dark season. I was constantly viewing my kids as an annoying burden. I was having angry outbursts and always searching for an “escape” from my life. Almost daily I was having suicidal thoughts. 

I hated my life and wanted out. 

But suddenly… that changed. Revelation about my attitude and the lens in which I had been viewing everything changed my heart.

Of course I had known since a small child in Sunday school that nothing in this world can EVER satisfy like our God. 

I just didn’t KNOW it. 

Two weeks out from our no good vacation and the depression and anger has lifted. My perspective and priorities have shifted. I have more patience and understanding for my kids. Things that were causing me immense stress before are getting brushed off with an “oh well”. Even my unfinished to-do list isn’t weighing on me. If it’s meant for me to do the Lord will give me the time to do it. The peace that passes understanding is evident.

The things of this world can no longer be the source of my joy. 

I had a terrible, disappointing, no good vacation. 

I hope you have one, too.